Summarizing my mind and my life.

The plague came up from hell and infected my house for the last two weeks. It has been more than fourteen days of coughing, snot, vomit, and a host of other disgusting afflictions. This hasn’t left a lot of time for writing or thinking; which has probably been a good thing.

Now that training is completed (I even have a certificate!), I’ve worked my regular four hours of shifts on the Platform with CTL. It’s already been incredibly rewarding even though I’m only on my fourth shift. The community of counselors that I connect with every time I log on has done more for my mental health than anything in a long time. I’m glad that I took a chance on this opportunity.

It’s also helped me get my sleep schedule in order. I’ve chosen shifts that make me get out of bed in the single digit hours of the morning twice a week. I’m finding that I feel better on those days than I do on the days where I sleep in. Once I get completely over this stupid plague, I’m going to set my wake up time and on my off days I’ll spend the time writing instead of counselling.

On top of the House of Plague, it’s been a confusing few weeks in the land of Chance. There’s a girl that existed on the outside of my world who recently inserted herself right in the middle; a little aggressively … actually. Now that I’m feeling better I think I’ll tug on that string and see where it leads. I figure, worst case scenario, I end up making a new friend. I’ve got nothing to lose anymore.

Last Friday, in a deep conversation with my best friend, I finally admitted out-loud that I still have some lingering feelings for an ex-girlfriend. I know, I know. Shut up. It was pretty liberating to say something and stop keeping all that to myself. I told her also and I think I finally have some closure. She’s definitely moved on to other things and while I think our friendship is intact; that chapter of our lives is closed for her. Getting to hear that has helped me feel like I’m free and open to test the waters with someone else; no baggage included, no regrets, and no more what if I’d just said something.

In the middle of that emotional train wreck (which is pretty much the definition of my life) another unexpected person on the outside orbit of my life expressed some interest. As I’ve learned from previous experience, you shouldn’t mix business and pleasure in any scenario and so I’ve let those chips fall.

As the morning minutes tick off the clock, I find myself flowing through the motions of energizing myself for the day as a second nature now. I rise before my shift begins; start the coffee, let the dogs out, let the dogs in, feed the dogs, pour the coffee, load the app to start my shift. Relax and counsel with hot coffee and a cigarette, check in on my fellow counselors. Start the tunes, listen to the feel good stuff, share my playlist much to the annoyance of my Facebook feed.

Now, I’ve added writing in to the mix and I’m finding that to be a great decision. I’ve felt the pull of the page for so many days now, but couldn’t find the time to sit down and actually get some words out. I’m already feeling better about my Thursday just in the writing of what’s been on my mind.

Things can only go up from here and the weekend is almost on us. Hell or high water; I’m getting out in the woods this weekend.


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