Overcast night sky cries out to show me the hidden stars and I lay beneath it in a mid-winter haze searching desperately for their light. The wind that sends chills through my bones should be colder, but our dying planet will not allow the gusts to reek of anything more than an unusually cool fall evening. I can’t force the winter to come and leave clean, printless snow over the forest floor. Even here, there are somethings just outside of my control.
I have released everything weighing heavy on my chest in screams at the trees until I feel as light as the snow that should surely be falling by now. This weightless feeling is fleeting, but for the time being I allow it to fill me with forgotten hope. In the spirit of the new year, I’ve given up on hopeless endeavors and focused on the paths that I can still choose. I refuse to allow this time in the trees to be wasted in mourning for another season. Instead, I’ve chosen to embrace what I can still see.
A long time ago, these trees were a graveyard haunted by ghosts of the past. Flickering fireflies and fire-branded foxes; the lone bear threatening to swallow me whole if only I would allow it. The wildlife has gone from my home and the only thing that remains is the wolf. I am the wolf. It’s spirit in tandem with my own so certainly that I can barely tell the difference between us anymore. And here we are, the wolf and I. We embark on another adventure to discover only the things laid out in front of us. There is no rearview mirror on my life anymore and to even attempt a glance over my shoulder could be deadly.
Present. I am present in the present, but I will not allow myself to live for just the moment anymore. It is that reckless behavior that drove so many mistakes. The present and the future; never the past. From this moment forward my eyes will not glance backwards.
A lite snow begins to cover the forest floor. A clean slate. A new beginning. A new year.
An old soul.