There isn’t any snow on the ground which isn’t a regular occurrence for late December. With the holidays passing, it’s hard to remember that a new year is about to start. Nothing feels as it should. There are children running around the fountain outside to remind me that it’s not late despite the time that’s passed since the sun disappeared. I’d forgotten before that it was Friday. Now that I’ve remembered, and given someone a heart attack by telling them it was Thursday, I’m awaiting the later evening. I’ll sit around the same old bar with its small town charm and talk about things of little consequence.
I may head there after this coffee and set up shop around the pool table. The college kids have drifted off to various parts of the country for their holidays and the bar should be pleasantly empty. I could use the distraction from reality that comes with the focus of the table. It’s been quite a while since I hunkered down and honed my skills. I imagine that I’m incredibly rusty. It’s unfortunate.
I’ve tried to find a way to say all the things I need to get off my chest for the last few days, but I haven’t had any luck transferring feelings into words. I’m getting frustrated and angry. It’s always been easier to be angry than to be anything else. I understand anger. I can control it. But, there’s nothing to be angry about anymore. It’s like I stoked a fire up and now I’m only left with embers. Barely warm embers.
Nothing is going to change. I know that. I’m just waiting on this constant assault on my mental well-being to cease. Relief will come eventually. It always does. I’ve just got to keep my head down until the storm passes.