T-minus 27 hours and 30 minutes.

With NaNoWriMo right around the corner I should be preparing my novel, but I can’t get committed to a topic. I think I’ve done too much background research having spent the last two days at the library and not nearly enough time just writing. It’s not even that I haven’t been writing the story (not supposed to start that until November 1st), but that I haven’t done any creative writing recently and part of my fear is that I’ve lost my touch for the written word. It probably doesn’t help that every time I attempt to turn my thoughts towards a fictional word I end up in the creation of my own darkened mind.

Which I suppose leads me towards writing more of Mindgames next month. It’s a psychological thriller that takes place mostly inside the mind of a man with bipolar disorder. It’s a little harder to write since I live or dream it every day. This shouldn’t be such a difficult decision. I should just be able to write. Maybe I can. Hopefully when the clock strikes midnight tomorrow I can kick out the first 2000 words before I sleep. Whatever topic sticks with me when I sit down to write will be what I go with. Who knows, maybe I’ll revive an old character and an old plot line. It’s been years since I wrote about the drug addicted assassin.

I’m too excited for November. It’s exactly the motivation that I need to get my book off the ground and even if I don’t even up with something worth publishing I’ll at least have something to submit to an editor as a first draft. It’s more than I’ve accomplished in all the years I’ve written and that alone is enough.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Historically it’s always been my favorite holiday, but I don’t really have anything planned. It’s also a fucking Monday. All the Halloween parties have happened with this passing weekend and I just couldn’t bring myself to head out to any of them. The Lantern is having a costume party tomorrow night, maybe I’ll go out to that for a bit. I’m trying to make more of an effort to get out and meet people, just be in public, and socialize a little more than I have historically. They say that it’s healthy to forge even acquaintances and who knows what I could gain out of it. Granted, I’m also avoiding people who seem to be toxic as I don’t need any of that in my life.

In fact, there are a lot of things and people that I need to take out of my life. They aren’t making me happy, helping me grow, or teaching me anything. I want to get back to simplicity and having the things in my life that actually make it better. I’m on the right path. With fall and the death of the trees I begin my rebirth.

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