Something more.

The sounds of a summer thunderstorm leak from my headphones and interlace with Angel Olseen and I begin to find my muse  hidden just below the rumble of thunder. Somewhere in the back of my mind lurks a demon waiting to remind me what a failure I am, but for now it’s comfortable  radio silence.

I reviewed my notes from the last  writing/brainstorming session that had and I think that I finally have some direction for November. Or rather I’m not completely clueless now.

I’m torn between a rewrite of “Mindgames,” the title of which I hate, and starting something new. Well. Half new. I’ve already done some of the research for another idea, but I think that it will span more than one book. Maybe not. I suppose I could try it  out as a short story cycle to get to know the world and the characters. There is too much to decide and it is almost November.

I’m determined to hit 50,000 words this year. I signed up for NaNoWriMo in 2013. l created a novel but never wrote a single word of it. Every year since then I’ve gotten pumped up for November only to have life get in the way. Not this year.

Unfortunately, 20116 hasn’t been the year that l was hoping it would be. Nothing that I can do about that now. The past is the past and  it is what it is. I’ve tried finding closure to that chapter of my life, but without success. I’m pushing closure off until December. Then can cleanup my  life. First I need to write a novel. I can’t let anything distract me from that goal. I think that trying to fix everything at once has overwhelmed  my capacity for giving a fuck which has led to giving no fucks. But I’m tired of just existing from day to day. I want something more than that.

That is why it is so important that I finish this book. I need something more.

 

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