I never did come back to what I was saying before and I don’t think I will now. The thoughts are long gone, lost somewhere in a twisted point that I was trying to make. It’s probably better that way. Every thought has been a little disconnected these days and that rambling would have ended up not making much sense to anyone other than me.
I’m back to the beginning of everything and yet I’m in a new place all together. I’m not who I was this time last year and yet I’m exactly the same. I can’t explain that. I don’t want anyone to understand, because just when they do I let myself become dependent on their opinion, on their presence, and then they’re gone. I take care of myself. I had forgotten about that for a while. I let my guard down, despite having already learned better, and what happened but exactly what I expected to. Well, score one for the rarity of my wrongness, but goddamn do I wish I hadn’t been.
I walk through these tress and touch the bark of each one. I used to be thankful that someone understood. Now, I know they never will. Even if they do, it won’t be enough. It’s nice here, in the forest. This is where I always was before, where I’ll probably always be. You showed me there was somewhere else and then you walked away. I still don’t understand that. No, I’m not going to write to you anymore. You’re worth about as much of my time as I am yours. There’s nothing left to say there. Nothing you say can touch me now. Words that used to mean so much are nothing, lies. I hope you got what you wanted by tearing me apart and I hope that if I scarred you back that you remember it. Chance, stop this.
I’m going to go to bed now, there’s nothing left to say and I’m tired. I didn’t get out of work until right before two in the morning. It’s certainly time for a nap. Goodnight world.