Awake.

I just found myself very suddenly awake. It was like a jolt of lightning and suddenly I was very aware of everything. There’s a clock ticking in the next room, the light on my computer was flashing, my chest doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s still dark out. Why in the world should I be very aware that it’s still dark out? It was dark out this time yesterday too. This time yesterday I was driving. This time yesterday I was with you. Was I holding your hand in the car? Kissing you at a red light? I wish I could go back in time. Twenty-four hours has never made so much of a difference before. I need to calm down. Forty-eight hours ago I was on your porch, sitting with you, doing exactly this. Trying to calm down so that I could sleep, except that then it mattered. Then I could go back in the house and lay down in your arms and everything would be like it should. Tonight that isn’t the case and the motivation to simply calm and sleep is only in that I have to be in class in the morning. It seems like another world entirely, a complete disconnect.

Alright. I think I can breathe again. That’s a very good place to start. Now I just need to remember, remember and sleep. I don’t think that’s going to happen, even though I want it to. Today is Wednesday, September the ninth. It’s four forty in the morning. Why does it have to be? Shit. Okay. Breathe, Chance.

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